porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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