so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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