Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
