Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
