My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize