I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
