Nicole vs. Life
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
