It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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