I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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