just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
