Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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