I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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