Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
