sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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