I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
