I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
