I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize