i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I got inside last night via doggy door
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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