Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
