Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
