I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
