I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
