My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
