drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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