there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
