i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
