I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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