I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
