i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
