From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think weed is turning my hair brown
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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