some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
