he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
