my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
