We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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