Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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