I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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