You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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