You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
