Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
