The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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