quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
