if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
