sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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