dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
