two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
