I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
