Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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