Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
