she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
