Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
