Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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