I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Actions speak louder than pants.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
