Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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