He is such a slut. More and more my type.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
