I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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