He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm getting married
To pizza
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
