I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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