he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize