i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
