There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
