What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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