oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
