we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
