Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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