Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
