I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize