I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
